Thursday, 4 December 2014

Random Rantings - Brown Eggnog Dynasty

It's been far too long since I wrote something in this space.
Like exercise, it's always hard to get started again when you've had a long layoff.

So, here's some random brain dumpings.

Do you need to give somebody a Christmas gift that says, "I want you out of my life!"

Well, check out the Chia Duck Dynasty head.

I won't dump on Chia products, but how low can you go? It's bad enough that you can get Duck Dynasty anything, but a frickin Chia head?

Even the most inbred of Hillbilly trailer trash must think this atrocity is beneath them. 

"Yeah, I'll screw my cousins and the cattle, but this? What kinda freak ya think I am?"

Speaking of things that are affront to the spirit of Christmas, how about Almond "Eggnog".

My wife loves Almond Milk, for some reason, so she bought this pretend crap as a light-calorie alternative to real Christmas Magic.

I am open-minded about most food products, so I did give it a chance. I understand that some lactose-intolerant people are craving the fine taste of 'nog.

Suffice it to say, this is one of the most revolting drinks I have had the displeasure of running through my mouth.

  1.  The product doesn't actually taste like Eggnog. There is some hint of nutmeg  buried in there, but it's hard to taste over the 'dirty water' flavour.
  2. Eggnog is a creamy drink. Noel Nog is runny, watery, and a bit slimy. I'm not one who cares too much about food textures, but this drink feels 'wrong'.
  3. Even my wife think it's gross. If she doesn't like an Almond 'Milk' product, who in the hell does?

Worried about calories? Spike some light eggnog with ice-cubes or milk, add a bit of nutmeg, and sip some real stuff.

Can't have lactose? Well, stop being such a milk racist!

My pal Eric asks, "Why do teams who wear the color brown tend to play that way?"

Is that true?

Looking at the four major North American sports, very few teams have brown uniforms, to begin with.

Teams want primary, basic colours (red, white, black), or something that pops (blue, orange). Brown is that unhappy medium that is neither strong or bright.

That, and it looks like poop.


Philadelphia Flyers - This is a bit of a stretch, since the Flyers are technically 'Orange'.

Still, this orange of theirs is very dirty. Growing up, I actually thought the Flyers uniforms were brown.

The Flyers? Yup, they suck.

I guess we'll call it karma since many Philly fans, and the Flyers players, are a bunch of boorish thugs and jerks.


None, currently.

The San Diego Padres used to have brown uniforms, but later switched to more basic white-and-grey.

The Padres did suck, for the most part, when they had brown uniforms. They haven't been much better with the colour switch, either. The franchise lifetime record is 3398 wins and 3928 losses.

We're 2-for-2


The obvious choice, since the Cleveland Browns have the colour right in the name.

During the early years of their existence, the Browns were actually a really good team. The team actually has a 451-429-10 record in the NFL.

Still, I will call them a CRAP team and make it a 3-for-3.

Despite sporting a 7-4 record in 2014, the Browns have had a winning record in only three of their past sixteen seasons (since the franchise reboot), and have been one of the worst teams in the NFL for quite some time.


None that I know of.

I guess the theory holds, although there isn't much of a sample size.