Friday, 4 October 2013

Nightmare Fuel - Coupon Suzy

A nightly routine for my wife and I is to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy!
while eating dinner. It's a good way to have a little fun and exercise the mind.

We're used to seeing commercials aimed at senior citizens, and plenty of American drug ads (complete with 1,000 side effects worse than what you are trying to have cured).

One commercial, however, continues to haunt me to this day: COUPON SUZY!


Coupon Suzy

Upon your first glance at Ms. Suzy, you get an instant chill down your spine as you look into those dark, crazy eyes. You just know that any relationship with this woman is going to end poorly.

Every time this commercial popped up, I had to turn away and cover my eyes. I could not let the image of this woman ruin my night, or cause me to lose sleep. 

Just watch this commercial, and tell me if you don't think this lady just seems a little ... off.



No woman should ever be that excited about coupons. Her smile just isn't right, yet it's not the typical fake smile you see in commercials. I wonder if she is on some serious drugs, and is on a work-release program from the psyche ward.

Note to marketers: If you want us to use your products, don't make us terrified to use your products. Look at the Burger King 'creepy king' ads, as a good example. 

If you are brave enough to use CouponSuzy.com, I can imagine it'll go something like this.
---

Suzy: Jes, I noticed you haven't used my website in two weeks. Is something wrong?

Jes: No, no, I've just been really busy with work and such.

Suzy: What's wrong? Don't you want to save money?

Jes: Of course, but I'm just swamped with work

Suzy: Don't you like my website, Jes? Can't you make time for me?

Jes: OK, OK. Look, I'm logged in and printing a coupon for tomato sauce. Happy now?

Suzy: Aww, thank you! :) I enjoy saving you money! Will you be back tomorrow?

Jes: Yeeeaaaah...I'll be back later...

Suzy: Yay! ^.^ I can't wait to see you again!

---

One week later...

Suzy: Jes, I see you haven't logged in since last week.

Jes: Well, I've had other things going on...

Suzy: ARE YOU USING ANOTHER COUPON SITE, JES?

Jes: Mmm.... *meekly* yeeesss...

Suzy: WHY, JES, WHY? I THOUGHT I WAS SAVING YOU MONEY!

Suzy: AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, JES? AM I NOT PRETTY LOOKING ENOUGH FOR YOU, JES?

Jes: Well, it's not you, it's me!

Suzy: *sob*

Jes: It's just that I have different online coupon needs. :( We're just not quite compatible.

Suzy: I'LL SAVE YOU ALL THE MONEY YOU WANT, JES! THAT OTHER SITE WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD TO YOU!

Jes: Look, I gotta get going-

Suzy: DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME! I'M GOING TO FIND Y-

*hangs up*

Jes: Phew! I hope that is the end of that!

---

Three days later, the Burnaby RCMP find me dead in my apartment, covered in ripped up coupons. On the wall, the following words are spelled out in blood:

YOU WILL NEVER CLIP AGAIN!